


Monster

by Darkside_Mongoose



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Ben Feels, Child Abandonment, Depression, Gen, I apologize for oocness, I didn't really go into it, Poe FEELS, Pre-TFA, a/b/o implied but not stated, and for any grammar/spelling mistakes, basically this is really sad and I thought I needed to write this, for whatever reason, pre-Dark Pilot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-09
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2019-02-12 12:19:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12959046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkside_Mongoose/pseuds/Darkside_Mongoose
Summary: Poe Dameron finds his friend in the worst shape he's ever seen him. Unfortunately there is little he can do to change it. And little he can do to keep him home.Sorry I suck at Summaries.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I want to go ahead and apologize for any oocness. I'm not really confident with writing these characters in regards to my abilities. I doubt I gave them the justice they deserve. This may end up being a one shot even though I'm kinda getting other ideas going? Possibly...
> 
> Anyway, I hope you all enjoy. And I am sorry for the sad! And any grammar/spelling mistakes.

He’s not surprised that he’s been found. Especially when it’s Dameron seeking him out. To not be force sensitive, he sure has a knack for always finding him when he doesn’t want to be found. If he could hate him for it, he would. But unfortunately, the charismatic pilot-to-be had decided to befriend him at an early age. He’d tried to shake him of course. Even when he was younger, he wasn’t known for being pleasant to be around. Yet his attempts to push the boy away only made him more persistent. And over the years, he’s gotten much worse.

A sigh leaves Ben as he looks up at the other. No doubt Poe has been searching for a while judging by unruly, curls and the way that he’s struggling to catch his breath. “You’re mad.” It’s not a question. It never is with the senator’s son. It’s one of the many “gifts” passed down to him through the blood he’s never wanted. 

“Damn right! It’s been hours Ben! Do you have any idea how worried we were? The way the General was talking, she thought-”

A laugh leaves him. It’s one of the few times where he means it. Usually only Dameron can pry them out of him. “That I was taken?” He almost feels bad for the way the older boy’s jaw is clenching and the way his fingers are balled up- making fists at his sides. 

“Stop it! It’s not funny!” 

He doesn’t expect the sudden movement though he should. Strong arms are around him now- as if he’ll disappear if they lose their grip. The other boy is shaking- though not from rage. Something much worse. And Ben has put it there, like he always does. It’s overwhelming how much it gets to him. It doesn’t weigh on him nearly as much with anyone else. 

“I can’t lose you. You’re my best friend!” The arms are tightening around him now- the boy’s voice broken and miserable. “We’re supposed to be pilots together, remember? We’re going to be the best in the Resistance!” Hesitantly Ben finds himself returning the embrace. The younger presses his face into Dameron’s collar and inhales- taking in the familiar comfort that is Poe. “If they get their hands on you, they would take you away forever! I’d never see you again.” His tone is higher now- shaking just as much as his body is with fear and rage. “Is that what you want? Do you hate us that much?” 

Not for the first time that day, Ben’s eyes are burning and wet. “No.” Dameron pushes him back just enough to get a good look at him, though those arms do not leave him. “Then why? Why do you do this? Why do you make us go looking for you? You know that he is just waiting for his chance!” 

A shiver runs through him, but the younger still manages to shake his head. “You don’t know that.” Ben swallows, tears managing to hit his cheeks before he can wipe them away. “There are plenty of people that hate us.” He knows they’re lies. He can feel it too. He always has- a darkness burrowed deep in his gut. Calling for him and threatening to consume him. 

“When have you known the General to be wrong?”

Ben feels the urge to bite his tongue. He isn’t petty enough to bring up all the broken promises- the missed birthdays and the nights he’s spent scared and curled up at night in a home not his own. “She is wrong. About this.” He isn’t sure if it’s his self-hatred or the need to console his friend that’s making him say these things. But whatever it is, he can’t stop. “Maybe the darkness she feels-” Ben swallows- fresh tears falling as he manages to choke out his next words. “is coming from me.” 

He’s said the wrong thing again. Dameron has pulled away completely now. If he didn’t know the boy better, Ben would anticipate a fist coming at his face. “You’re not bad Ben. I refuse to believe that! Even if you can’t!” The older boy is standing now like he can’t stand to be near him. “I wouldn’t be friends with you if you were! You’re not like him! I don’t care what some punks say! You’re not like Darth Vader!” 

Ben looks up at the other for the first time since he was found. He wants to believe him more than anything. He doesn’t like feeling like this all the time. And now it’s too late. “Did she tell you? Do you know what they’re making me do?” 

Just like that, Poe’s features have softened. Dark eyes look away from the ones peering up at him. Not all of his anger is held against Ben. Hell, he’d run too. Poe was going to find him earlier. He was looking when he’d seen the men rushing the hall. He’d been scared. They were used to their fair share of attacks. That’s what lead them to this planet after all. But he knew deep down that it was Ben. He hadn’t meant to overhear the conversation the night before. Yet standing outside of the General’s office, Poe learned a horrifying truth. Ben was being sent away. 

“They want to protect you.” The words sound weak, even to him. Still, he has to try. He needs to be strong for Ben. He needs to give him hope. That’s what friends do. Even if they feel like they are dying inside. 

“Bullshit!” The cry has Poe’s undivided attention- eyes glued to the boy’s smaller frame. He’s never seen him this bad before. He’s never seen Ben look this scared. Poe resists the urge to take a step back as he feels the ground under him shake. “They don’t want me! They never have! I’m a monster!” 

“Ben…” 

“No! Whatever you’re going to say isn’t true! They’re scared of me. They know I’m bad. And now they are sending me away for my uncle to fix me!” 

Poe wants to hold him and never let go. He wants to beg the entire Resistance if he has to for Ben to stay. It isn’t fair. Ben didn’t ask for this. And even though he knows what Ben’s saying isn’t true, it’s hard not to want to scream at the General and take Ben himself and run far away. At least then they’d always have each other. “That’s not true. Your parents love you. They just want to help you.”

The words are having the opposite effect than Poe wanted. The ground is shaking harder under him- threatening to make his legs give out. The ten-year-old is hugging his knees and bawling his eyes out. And there’s nothing he can do to stop it. Just like there’s nothing he can do to keep Ben where he belongs. 

“Just go. Please.” 

“Ben!” 

“NOW!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Poe says goodbye...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here is a very short chapter in which Poe wishes his friend would stay. And he's very conflicted with his idolization of Han and Leia at the moment.

He makes it just in time for Ben to board the Falcon. He makes it count. He hugs him longer than he ever has before. And despite him doing his best to reign himself in, it takes Han clearing his throat to make him pull away. 

“Come on son. We’ve got a long journey ahead.” Poe has always thought highly of Han Solo and the General. They saved the galaxy. And he flew ships and fought bad guys. But right now, all he can see is the man taking his friend away. 

The man’s hand gently grips his son’s shoulder and squeezes. “You’ll see each other again. And soon. I promise. This isn’t goodbye.” Ben doesn’t say anything. He’s not even looking at them. Instead, he’s chewing on his lip and doing his damnedest not to cry. He doesn’t have a choice. It doesn’t take a mind reader to see that. Still, Poe would do anything in his power to change it. 

It takes him a moment before he’s able to speak up. “I made you something,” Ben whispers. He looks up at his friend and with a shaking hand, pulls a folded piece of paper from his pocket. “I want you to promise me that you’ll open it when I’m gone.” 

Poe nods. He holds onto it like it’s the post precious thing he’s ever owned. Even better than his model ships. “Promise.” He makes it until the ship is in the air before he loses it. Even his mother’s arms aren’t enough to make it better. They can’t bring Ben back.

Just as promised, he waits until Ben is gone before he opens what Ben gave him. It's a letter in familiar sloppy handwriting. 

 

Poe, 

I'm sorry. I know I'm not a good friend to have. But you've always been there for me. And no matter how bad things get, you always make it better. 

I don't know why you've stuck with me all these years, but I'm glad you did. I couldn't ask for a better friend. 

I really hope this isn't the last time we see each other. I think one of the hardest things for me is not being able to have you around. 

I won't forget you. I promise I never will. 

I hope you don't stay sad for long. It makes me sad thinking that you might not be your annoying happy self. 

Always your friend, 

Ben


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very short chapter in which Leia and Han say their goodbyes. If only they knew it would be their last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last short chapter of a sad, likely poorly-written one-shot.

She won’t let go of his hand. He isn’t sure how much time has passed. He isn’t even sure what his father is going on about in the pilot seat, even though it’s clearly directed at him. But as angry and upset as he is, he can’t bring himself to let go. 

He doesn’t know why he’s the way that he is. He doesn’t know why they are sending him away now. He’s always been bad. He could see it in the way his parents would look at him sometimes. Like they were scared of him. They wouldn’t act like it. They were always all smiles and comforting words when they were together. But he never shook the feeling. Even now, Ben can feel the way they are worried about him. Of what they think he is or is going to become. 

When the ship lands, his Uncle is there waiting for them. It feels weird to Ben. He doesn’t look like the same happy, laughing man that would give him hugs on his birthdays and go into long stories on how he helped save the galaxy, even though he told the stories countless times before all at Ben’s and Poe’s insistence. Now, he looks like his parents do. Cautious. Afraid. 

Leia is the last to let go. If it wasn’t for his uncle telling her it’s time, Ben doesn’t think she would have. He watches his father wave and smile down at him as they leave. Even at his young age, the boy can tell that he’s only doing it for him. Like Poe sometimes does when he’s especially sad. And even when they are out of sight, he feels their hurt, their pain. 

And it only makes him that much angrier.

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't hate me *hides* 
> 
> Also I may continue this maybe...like in a series or something? Idk yet. It's been years since I've written and published fic. So for now, here was a sad one shot. 
> 
> May the force be with you my friends. Especially with the new movie coming out soon!!!


End file.
